In the future we'll all be gay
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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