oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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