i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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