i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
