She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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