All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
