so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
