I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
