im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
