I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
