I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
