Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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