there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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