I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
