can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
