As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
