to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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