3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
smell my finger.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
