So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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