he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
