for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
