Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
