I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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