where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
