He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
