thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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