did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
this is an emotional support booty call
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
