your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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