i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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