And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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