this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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