the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
