I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
