Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
