I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
