found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
