so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I need moral support for this bender
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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