It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
