she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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