I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
