Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
