Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
