I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
