I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
