if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
