True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
