Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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