meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
