i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
