no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
